Narcissists may claim that they have changed or will change for a variety of reasons, but it's crucial to approach such claims with skepticism. Narcissists are known for their manipulative behavior, and their words often do not align with their actions. Here are some common scenarios in which narcissists may say they are changing:
During the Idealization Phase: In the early stages of a relationship or when trying to win someone back after a discard, narcissists may promise change as a way to regain control and keep the person in their life.
Facing Consequences: If the narcissist is confronted with evidence of their harmful behavior or faces the possibility of losing something valuable (e.g., a relationship, job, reputation), they might claim to change to avoid negative outcomes.
Attention and Validation: Narcissists crave attention and validation. By claiming to change, they might receive praise or sympathy from others, reinforcing their sense of superiority and victimhood.
Temporary Behavioral Adjustments: Narcissists may make short-term changes to appease their partners or gain favor, but these changes are often not genuine or sustainable.
Manipulating Empathy: Narcissists may pretend to change to manipulate their partner's empathy and keep them engaged in the relationship.
Future Faking: They might use promises of change as a way to keep their partner hooked while they continue their harmful behavior behind the scenes.
It's important to understand that true change in a narcissist's behavior is rare and challenging. Narcissistic personality disorder involves deeply ingrained patterns of thinking and behaving that are resistant to change without extensive therapy and personal growth.
If you are dealing with a narcissist who claims to be changing, be cautious and prioritize your well-being. It's crucial to set and enforce boundaries, but also be prepared for the possibility that the narcissist may not truly change or may revert to their harmful behavior over time. If you find the relationship to be emotionally damaging or abusive, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to help you navigate the situation and make decisions that prioritize your health and happiness.