Yes, it is not uncommon for a covert narcissist to expect you to do the contacting after discard instead of them. This behavior is consistent with their manipulation and control tactics.
Covert narcissists are individuals who display narcissistic traits but in a more subtle and hidden manner compared to overt or grandiose narcissists. They often present themselves as sensitive, empathetic, and caring, making it challenging for others to recognize their underlying manipulative behavior.
After a discard, which is when the narcissist ends the relationship or abruptly withdraws their attention and affection, they may expect you to initiate contact for several reasons:
Seeking Validation and Control: Covert narcissists have a deep need for validation and control over others. By making you initiate contact after the discard, they gain a sense of power and superiority. It allows them to feel wanted and in control of the situation.
Testing Your Vulnerability: They may want to assess your vulnerability and emotional state after the breakup. Initiating contact puts them in a position of power to gauge how much you still care about them and whether they can continue to manipulate you.
Avoiding Rejection: Covert narcissists often fear rejection and criticism. By making you initiate contact, they protect themselves from the possibility of being rejected if they were to reach out first.
Playing the Victim: Covert narcissists can adopt the role of the victim, portraying themselves as the ones who were hurt or wronged in the relationship. By waiting for you to contact them, they can use your actions as evidence to support their victim narrative and elicit sympathy from others.
Regaining Control of the Narrative: Narcissists are skilled at rewriting history and manipulating the narrative to suit their needs. By letting you reach out first, they can steer the conversation and potentially twist the facts to their advantage.
Hoovering: "Hoovering" is a term used to describe the narcissist's attempts to draw you back into the relationship after discard. By making you initiate contact, they may be setting the stage for further manipulation and potential reconciliation, only to discard you again later.
It's essential to recognize these patterns and protect yourself from further emotional manipulation. Going no contact or seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be helpful in recovering from a relationship with a covert narcissist. Remember, their behavior is not a reflection of your worth, and you deserve healthy and respectful relationships.