Covert narcissists, like other narcissistic individuals, have a fragile sense of self-esteem and are prone to experiencing shame. However, they tend to handle shame differently than overt or grandiose narcissists. Covert narcissists are characterized by being more introverted, sensitive, and often displaying a victim mentality. Here are some ways covert narcissists may deal with shame:
Avoidance: Covert narcissists may avoid situations or actions that could trigger feelings of shame. They might withdraw from social interactions or situations where they fear criticism or judgment, as they are highly sensitive to rejection.
Externalization: Instead of taking responsibility for their actions or mistakes, covert narcissists may externalize blame onto others or their circumstances. They might use scapegoating or create excuses to avoid feelings of shame.
Victim mentality: Covert narcissists often adopt a victim mentality, portraying themselves as the ones who are unfairly treated or wronged. By positioning themselves as victims, they can deflect shame and guilt onto others.
Emotional manipulation: Covert narcissists may use emotional manipulation to avoid facing their shame. They may play on the empathy of others, eliciting sympathy to reinforce their sense of victimhood and protect their fragile self-esteem.
Idealization of self and others: To counteract feelings of shame and inadequacy, covert narcissists may create an idealized self-image and have unrealistic expectations of others. This idealization serves as a defense mechanism to protect their fragile self-esteem.
Seeking validation: Covert narcissists have a constant need for validation and approval from others to boost their self-worth. They may seek positive feedback to counteract feelings of shame or inadequacy.
Self-sabotage: When faced with potential failure or criticism, covert narcissists may engage in self-sabotaging behaviors as a way to avoid experiencing shame directly. This can create a self-fulfilling prophecy of failure that confirms their negative self-beliefs.
Suppressing emotions: Covert narcissists may bury or deny their feelings of shame, trying to avoid confronting the uncomfortable emotions associated with it. This emotional suppression can lead to internal turmoil and unresolved issues.
It's important to note that dealing with shame is a complex psychological process, and individual responses can vary significantly. Additionally, not all individuals who display covert narcissistic traits will handle shame in the same way. If you are dealing with someone who exhibits covert narcissistic behavior, seeking support from a mental health professional can be beneficial for understanding and coping with the dynamics involved.