After experiencing abuse and discard by a narcissist, victims often go through a challenging and emotional recovery process. It's crucial to be aware of common mistakes victims might make and learn how to navigate through this difficult time to foster healing and personal growth. Here are some of the biggest mistakes victims might make and some guidance on how to survive and move forward:
Isolating Oneself: Victims of narcissistic abuse might withdraw from friends and family due to feelings of shame, guilt, or a belief that no one will understand their experience. Isolation can intensify negative emotions and make healing more difficult.
- Survival Strategy: Reach out to supportive friends, family members, or consider joining a support group of individuals who have experienced similar abuse. Sharing your story and emotions with empathetic and understanding individuals can provide validation and strength.
Idealizing the Abuser: Victims may fall into the trap of idealizing or romanticizing the narcissistic abuser, especially during moments of loneliness or longing for the "good times."
- Survival Strategy: Remind yourself of the abusive behaviors and their detrimental impact on your well-being. Create a list of negative experiences and refer to it whenever you find yourself longing for the abuser. Therapy can also help with understanding and processing these conflicting emotions.
Self-Blame and Guilt: Victims often blame themselves for the abuse, thinking they somehow caused it or deserved it.
- Survival Strategy: Understand that abuse is never the victim's fault. Seek professional help to work through feelings of guilt and learn to develop self-compassion. Recognize that you are not responsible for the abuser's actions.
Returning to the Abuser: Due to the manipulative tactics of narcissists, victims might be hoovered (enticed to come back) into the abusive relationship.
- Survival Strategy: Cut off contact with the abuser as much as possible. Block their number, avoid places you might encounter them, and consider changing your routine to minimize chances of contact. Focus on the reasons you left and the damage the relationship caused you.
Ignoring Emotional Trauma: Some victims try to suppress or ignore the emotional trauma caused by the abuse, hoping it will go away on its own.
- Survival Strategy: Seek professional help from therapists or counselors experienced in dealing with trauma and abuse. They can provide guidance and tools to process and heal from the emotional wounds.
Rushing Into New Relationships: After the discard, victims might seek validation or comfort in new relationships too quickly.
- Survival Strategy: Take time to heal and focus on self-discovery before pursuing new romantic relationships. Learn to love and care for yourself first to build a healthy foundation for future connections.
Neglecting Self-Care: Victims may forget to take care of their physical and emotional well-being during this challenging period.
- Survival Strategy: Prioritize self-care activities such as exercise, hobbies, meditation, spending time with loved ones, and seeking joy in small things. Taking care of yourself is crucial for recovery.
Trying to Change the Narcissist: Some victims hold onto the hope that if they change or try harder, the narcissist will treat them better.
- Survival Strategy: Accept that you cannot change a narcissist's behavior. Focus on your growth and well-being instead of trying to fix someone who is unwilling to change.
Ignoring Professional Help: Some victims believe they can handle the aftermath of abuse on their own, underestimating the long-term effects it can have on their mental health.
- Survival Strategy: Reach out for professional support. Therapists and counselors can provide valuable guidance and assistance throughout the healing process.
Remember that healing from narcissistic abuse takes time, and it's a journey unique to each individual. Seek out the support you need, be patient with yourself, and focus on rebuilding your life in a way that empowers and nurtures your well-being.