Yes, narcissists may indeed compare their current partners with their ex-partners as part of their manipulative and controlling behavior. This behavior serves several purposes in their quest for validation, admiration, and power:
Triangulation: Comparing their current partner to an ex can create a sense of competition and jealousy between the two, leading to triangulation. By pitting the current partner against the ex, the narcissist can maintain a sense of control over both individuals and fuel their need for attention.
Idealization and Devaluation: During the initial stages of a relationship, narcissists often idealize their partners. By comparing their current partner to their ex, they may attempt to idealize or devalue their partner based on specific traits or qualities that the ex possesses or lacks.
Manipulating Insecurities: Narcissists are experts at exploiting vulnerabilities and insecurities. By comparing their partner to an ex, they may target areas of insecurity to make their partner feel inadequate or not good enough, thus increasing the partner's dependence on the narcissist for validation.
Seeking Validation and Control: Narcissists crave constant validation and admiration from others. By comparing their partner to an ex, they seek confirmation that they made the right choice or that they are superior to the previous partner. This need for validation fuels their sense of control over the relationship.
Gaslighting: Comparing the current partner negatively to an ex can be a form of gaslighting. The narcissist may rewrite history, exaggerate positive aspects of the past relationship, or downplay negative aspects to manipulate the current partner's perceptions and emotions.
Maintaining Power Dynamics: By keeping their partner on edge and unsure of their standing in the relationship, the narcissist can maintain power and control. The partner may feel the need to work harder to gain the narcissist's approval, thereby reinforcing the narcissist's sense of superiority.
It's important to note that not all individuals who make comparisons to their ex-partners are necessarily narcissists. Some people may do so for legitimate reasons, such as reflecting on past relationships to understand their own patterns or preferences better. However, in the context of a relationship with a narcissist, these comparisons are typically a part of their manipulative tactics to maintain control and undermine the partner's self-esteem.
If you are in a relationship with a narcissist and are experiencing emotional manipulation or abuse, it is essential to prioritize your well-being and consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to navigate the situation effectively.