Narcissists can use compliments and flattery as part of their manipulative tactics to maintain control over their partners. They may initially shower their partners with praise and admiration to create an intense emotional bond and make their partners feel special. However, it's essential to understand that these compliments often come from a place of manipulation rather than genuine affection. Here are some ways narcissists may compliment their partners:
Love Bombing: At the beginning of a relationship, narcissists may engage in love bombing, where they overwhelm their partners with excessive affection, compliments, and gifts. This intense and rapid display of admiration can make the partner feel deeply desired and valued.
Idealization: Narcissists often put their partners on a pedestal during the idealization phase of the relationship. They may frequently compliment their partner's appearance, intelligence, talents, or accomplishments to boost their ego and create dependency.
Flattery for Control: Narcissists may use flattery strategically to control their partners' behaviors or decisions. By praising their partner's choices that align with their wishes and criticizing decisions that don't, they can manipulate their partner's actions.
Conditional Compliments: Narcissists may give compliments with strings attached. For example, they might say things like, "You look great in that outfit, but I prefer it when you wear what I picked for you." This makes their compliments conditional on the partner's compliance.
Comparisons: Narcissists may subtly or directly compare their partners to others to create feelings of insecurity and competition. They might use compliments like, "You're the best among your friends," or "You're lucky to have me because no one else would appreciate you like I do."
Guilt-Inducing Compliments: Narcissists may use compliments to guilt-trip their partners into doing things they want. For instance, they might say, "You're the only one who truly understands me, so you should always be there for me no matter what."
Invalidation through Compliments: Narcissists might use backhanded compliments to subtly invalidate their partner's achievements or worth. For example, they might say, "You're really good at your job, but it's not like it's that difficult anyway."
It's important to recognize that these compliments are part of a larger pattern of manipulation and emotional abuse. Over time, the excessive praise and idealization often give way to devaluation and demeaning behavior, as the narcissist seeks to maintain control and power over their partner.
If you suspect you are in a relationship with a narcissist or are experiencing emotional abuse, it's crucial to seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional who can help you navigate the situation and prioritize your well-being.