I'm sorry to hear about your experience with your narcissistic ex. It's important to understand that people's behavior, especially those with personality disorders like narcissism, can be complex and not always easy to explain. While it is true that some narcissists might seek out partners they perceive as more attractive or successful (what they might see as an "upgrade"), this is not always the case.
There could be several reasons why a narcissistic ex might discard someone for what others perceive as a "downgrade":
Control and Manipulation: Narcissists often thrive on control and manipulation. They might choose partners they believe they can easily manipulate or exert power over. In some cases, they may see someone they perceive as "less" in some aspect as easier to control.
Low Self-Esteem: While narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance, they can also harbor deep-seated insecurities. They might seek out partners who they believe won't challenge or threaten their fragile self-esteem.
Validation and Supply: Narcissists crave constant validation and attention. They might choose partners who are more likely to idolize or adore them, even if these partners don't necessarily fit conventional societal standards of an "upgrade."
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists can use devaluation and discarding as a means of keeping their partners on an emotional rollercoaster. By seemingly "downgrading," they may hope to elicit feelings of jealousy, competition, or insecurity in their previous partner.
Unpredictability and Impulsivity: Narcissists can be impulsive and unpredictable in their decisions, including their choice of partners. Their motivations might not follow a logical pattern as they often prioritize their own needs and desires above others'.
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists often go through cycles of idealizing and devaluing their partners. The devaluation phase can result in a discard, irrespective of whether the next partner is perceived as an "upgrade" or not.
It's important to remember that the behavior of narcissists is not a reflection of your worth or value as a person. Their actions are driven by their own internal struggles and personality disorder. The best course of action is to focus on healing, building your self-esteem, and surrounding yourself with supportive and healthy relationships.
If you find yourself struggling to cope with the aftermath of a relationship with a narcissist, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist who can help you navigate through this challenging period.