It's not uncommon for narcissists to switch their behavior and appear nice or charming at times, especially after a period of devaluation and discard. This change in behavior can be confusing and lead the other person to question their own perceptions and feelings. There are several reasons why a narcissist might act this way:
Hoovering: Narcissists often engage in a tactic known as "hoovering," where they try to suck their victims back into the relationship or keep them on standby as a backup source of validation and attention. Being nice and considerate might be a way to reel you back in after a period of discard.
Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled manipulators. By being nice and accommodating, they can elicit sympathy and make you question the negative experiences you had with them before. This can create a sense of doubt and keep you hooked into the relationship.
Maintaining Control: Narcissists crave control over their victims. Being kind and accommodating is another tactic to maintain power in the relationship. They may use this approach to ensure you stay engaged and compliant with their wishes.
Seeking Validation: Narcissists thrive on attention and validation. By pretending to be nice, they may be seeking validation and admiration from you or others.
Future Favors: Narcissists are often calculating and strategic. Being polite and accommodating might be a way to set the stage for asking for favors or resources in the future.
Image Management: Narcissists are concerned about their public image. Being nice in front of others can help them appear more likable and mask their negative traits.
It's essential to remember that while they might act nice for a while, their true nature and patterns of behavior are unlikely to change. These intermittent moments of kindness are not a sign of genuine change or remorse.
If you find yourself in a situation where your ex-narcissist is suddenly being nice, it's crucial to maintain healthy boundaries and not let their behavior sway you from recognizing the toxic patterns in the relationship. Consider seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist to help you navigate any lingering emotional effects and to develop strategies to protect yourself from manipulation and harm.