It's common for individuals with narcissistic traits to react strongly and defensively when they feel criticized or confronted, even if the criticism is valid. They may exaggerate an argument or turn the focus onto the other person (in this case, you) as a way to deflect responsibility and protect their self-image. This behavior is known as "narcissistic defense mechanisms."
When you told your child's father that he is living a double life and avoiding his responsibilities, it likely challenged his self-perception and triggered feelings of shame, guilt, or vulnerability. Instead of acknowledging his behavior or taking responsibility for it, he may have responded with anger and defensiveness to protect his self-esteem.
Narcissistic individuals often struggle with accepting personal flaws or taking accountability for their actions. They may have an excessive need for admiration and feel entitled to special treatment. When their self-image is threatened, they may resort to tactics like gaslighting (manipulating you into questioning your reality), projection (blaming others for their own faults), or even twisting the truth to maintain their perceived superiority.
It's essential to remember that dealing with someone who exhibits narcissistic behavior can be emotionally draining and challenging. You can try setting boundaries and communicating calmly and assertively, but ultimately, their willingness to change and address their behaviors is up to them.
If the relationship becomes toxic or harmful, it may be necessary to seek support from a therapist or counselor to navigate the situation effectively and protect your well-being and that of your child. Remember that prioritizing your mental and emotional health is crucial in dealing with challenging relationships.