Feeling bad or conflicted about moving on after ending a relationship with a narcissist is a common experience for many people. There are several reasons why you might be experiencing these emotions:
Trauma bond: Narcissists are skilled at creating trauma bonds with their victims. A trauma bond is a strong emotional connection that forms in abusive relationships, where the victim becomes attached to the abuser despite the harm they cause. Breaking this bond can be challenging, and you may feel guilty or conflicted about moving on because the trauma bond is still influencing your emotions.
Manipulation and gaslighting: Narcissists are experts at manipulating and gaslighting their victims. They may have convinced you that the problems in the relationship were your fault or that you were not worthy of love and happiness. These false beliefs can linger even after the relationship ends, making you question your decision to move on.
Fear of the narcissist's reaction: Narcissists often use intimidation and threats to control their victims. You may fear their reaction to your decision to move on, anticipating retaliation, or feeling guilty for leaving them behind, even if the relationship was toxic.
Codependency: In relationships with narcissists, codependent dynamics often develop, where one person becomes overly reliant on the other for validation and self-worth. Ending the relationship can trigger feelings of loss and abandonment, making it difficult to move on without feeling bad.
Empathy and compassion: Many people naturally have a sense of empathy and compassion for others, even those who have hurt them. It's not uncommon to feel bad for the narcissist, especially if you can see their struggles and vulnerabilities underneath their abusive behavior.
Self-blame and guilt: Narcissists often shift blame onto their victims, making them feel responsible for the relationship's problems. As a result, you might be carrying feelings of self-blame and guilt, even after ending the relationship, which can hinder your ability to move on.
Familiarity and comfort: Even in toxic relationships, there can be a sense of familiarity and comfort. Moving on from the known, even if it was harmful, can be daunting and evoke feelings of uncertainty.
Recognizing these feelings as normal reactions to a challenging situation can be the first step toward healing and moving forward. It's important to remind yourself that prioritizing your well-being and happiness is essential. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be invaluable during this process, as it can help you process your emotions, build resilience, and develop healthier relationship patterns in the future.