In a family or social setting, a scapegoat is a person who is unfairly blamed and targeted for the problems, shortcomings, or conflicts within the group. In families with narcissistic dynamics, the scapegoat often bears the brunt of the narcissist's negative behaviors and projections. Here's how narcissists typically treat the scapegoat:
Blame and Criticism: Narcissists may constantly blame the scapegoat for various issues, even if they have nothing to do with the problems at hand. The scapegoat becomes the target of constant criticism and negative attention.
Projection: Narcissists often project their own flaws, insecurities, and mistakes onto the scapegoat. Anything the narcissist dislikes about themselves or fears in themselves is attributed to the scapegoat.
Emotional and Verbal Abuse: The scapegoat may be subject to emotional and verbal abuse from the narcissist. This can include demeaning comments, insults, gaslighting, and constant belittlement.
Isolation and Rejection: Narcissists may isolate the scapegoat from other family members or social circles, further intensifying the sense of being an outcast or unwanted.
Double Standards: Scapegoats often face unfair and harsh double standards imposed by the narcissist. They may be held to much higher expectations than other family members while receiving little recognition or praise for their achievements.
Unrealistic Demands: Narcissists may place unreasonable and unrealistic demands on the scapegoat, expecting them to solve all family problems or be the perfect solution to their needs.
Devaluation and Disregard: The narcissist may disregard the scapegoat's feelings, opinions, and needs. The scapegoat's thoughts and emotions are often dismissed or minimized.
Triangulation: Narcissists may create triangulation by pitting family members against the scapegoat, fostering division and conflict within the family.
Emotional Manipulation: The narcissist may use guilt, fear, or other emotional manipulation tactics to control and disempower the scapegoat.
Undermining Achievements: Even if the scapegoat achieves success or makes positive changes, the narcissist may downplay or undermine these accomplishments.
Guilt and Obligation: The scapegoat may be made to feel guilty for the family's problems or obligated to fix everything, perpetuating a cycle of emotional burden.
It's important to recognize that the scapegoating behavior is a dysfunctional coping mechanism within narcissistic dynamics. Scapegoats are not responsible for the narcissist's behavior or the family's issues. This behavior is a way for the narcissist to protect their fragile self-esteem and avoid facing their own flaws and shortcomings.
If you find yourself in the role of a scapegoat in a narcissistic family or social dynamic, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial in understanding and coping with the emotional toll of the situation and finding ways to heal and set healthy boundaries.