When a narcissist realizes that their partner has figured them out, their behavior can vary depending on the specific individual and their level of narcissism. Here are some common reactions:
Defensive Denial: Some narcissists may become defensive and deny any accusations made by their partner. They might gaslight their partner, making them doubt their own perceptions and feelings. The narcissist may try to convince their partner that they are wrong or that they are misinterpreting their behavior.
Manipulation and Charm: Narcissists are often skilled manipulators. When they sense that their partner is catching on to their behavior, they may use their charm to distract or win them back. They might employ love bombing and affectionate gestures to regain control over their partner's emotions.
Projecting Blame: Narcissists are known for projecting their own flaws and behaviors onto others. If their partner confronts them about their narcissism, they might try to flip the situation and blame their partner for being controlling, paranoid, or emotionally unstable.
Playing the Victim: Some narcissists are adept at playing the victim card. When they feel exposed, they may portray themselves as the ones suffering in the relationship, claiming their partner is overly critical or trying to hurt them emotionally.
Retaliation or Rage: If the narcissist feels cornered or threatened by their partner's awareness, they may respond with anger, rage, or emotional outbursts. This can be a tactic to intimidate their partner and regain a sense of control.
Silent Treatment or Withdrawal: A narcissist may also resort to giving their partner the silent treatment or withdrawing emotionally as a means of punishment or control. They may try to provoke feelings of guilt or desperation in their partner.
Hoovering: Hoovering is a term used to describe a tactic where a narcissist attempts to draw their partner back into the relationship after a period of separation or breakup. They might use promises of change or profess their love to regain control over their partner.
It's important to note that not all narcissists will respond in the same way, and some may even recognize their behavior and attempt to seek help or change. However, genuine change in a narcissist is quite rare, as it requires deep introspection and a willingness to address underlying issues. In many cases, it's essential for the partner to prioritize their well-being and consider seeking support or counseling to cope with the challenges of being in a relationship with a narcissist.