When a narcissist reaches out to your family and friends after you have cut them off, there can be several underlying motivations behind their actions:
Hoovering: Narcissists are known for "hoovering," which refers to attempts to suck their victims back into the relationship after they have been discarded or cut off. They may use various tactics, such as reaching out to your loved ones, to try to reestablish contact and regain control over you.
Seeking Validation and Attention: Narcissists crave constant validation and attention. By reaching out to your family and friends, they may be trying to gain sympathy, portray themselves as victims, or seek confirmation from others that they were not at fault for the end of the relationship.
Manipulation and Sabotage: Narcissists may try to manipulate your support network to create doubt and mistrust about your decision to cut them off. They might spread lies, half-truths, or exaggerations about the situation to portray themselves in a more favorable light.
Isolation: Narcissists often seek to isolate their victims from their support systems, including family and friends. By reaching out to your loved ones, they may be trying to create division and turn people against you, making it more challenging for you to maintain your boundaries and stay away from them.
Control and Power: Maintaining control and power over others is a central aspect of narcissism. By attempting to contact your family and friends, the narcissist is asserting their dominance and trying to maintain influence over your life, even if they can no longer directly access you.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists have a limited capacity for empathy and may not fully understand or care about the impact of their actions on you or your relationships with others. Their focus is primarily on their own needs and desires.
It's essential to be cautious and communicate with your loved ones about the situation if the narcissist is attempting to contact them. Ensuring that your support network understands your reasons for cutting off contact can help protect your boundaries and strengthen your relationships. If necessary, seeking professional support, such as therapy or counseling, can provide guidance on navigating the challenges of dealing with a narcissistic individual and the aftermath of cutting them off.