When the "golden child" fails the narcissist, the narcissist's reaction can vary depending on the specific individual and their particular traits. The golden child in a narcissistic family dynamic is the one who is favored and put on a pedestal by the narcissistic parent. They are often given special treatment, praised excessively, and are seen as an extension of the narcissist's ego.
However, it's essential to understand that narcissists view their children primarily as objects to fulfill their own needs and desires rather than as separate individuals with their own feelings and aspirations. When the golden child fails to meet the expectations or needs of the narcissist, the narcissist's reaction can be quite negative and toxic. Some possible reactions include:
Devaluation: The narcissistic parent may devalue and belittle the golden child, criticizing their actions, achievements, or capabilities. This devaluation is a common defense mechanism for the narcissist to protect their fragile ego from the disappointment of the golden child's failure.
Withdrawal of affection: The narcissistic parent may withdraw their affection, attention, and approval, leaving the golden child feeling abandoned and rejected.
Gaslighting: Narcissists are adept at manipulating others and may try to gaslight the golden child, making them doubt their own abilities and perceptions of the situation. The narcissist may blame the golden child for their failure, even though the failure may not be the child's fault.
Scapegoating: In some cases, the narcissist may shift blame onto the golden child, making them the scapegoat for any family problems or failures. This can lead to the golden child being ostracized or punished for things beyond their control.
Emotional abuse: The narcissistic parent may resort to emotional abuse, guilt-tripping, or emotional blackmail to control and manipulate the golden child into conforming to their expectations.
Idealization of another child: If there are multiple children in the family, the narcissist may shift their attention and favoritism to another child who is now seen as the new "golden child."
It's important to note that these reactions are not healthy or normal, and the blame lies with the narcissistic parent, not the golden child. The impact of being the golden child or the scapegoat in a narcissistic family can have long-lasting emotional and psychological effects on the children involved. In such situations, seeking support from therapists or counselors can be beneficial to process and heal from the trauma of living with a narcissistic parent.