The behavior of a covert narcissist can vary significantly based on individual circumstances, personality, and motivations. However, when a covert narcissist is "found out" or confronted about their narcissistic traits by their spouse, their reaction could lead to various outcomes. Here are some possibilities:
Denial and Gaslighting: A common reaction from a narcissist, whether covert or overt, is denial and gaslighting. They may try to invalidate their partner's concerns, making them doubt their own perceptions and feelings. They might twist the narrative to make it seem like their partner is the one with the problem.
Defensive Behavior: The covert narcissist might become defensive, feeling attacked or criticized. They may deflect blame onto their partner or others to avoid taking responsibility for their behavior.
Manipulation and Hoovering: Some covert narcissists may attempt to manipulate their partner into staying in the relationship. They might use tactics such as love bombing, promises to change, or guilt-tripping to maintain control over their spouse.
Withdrawal or Silent Treatment: In response to being "found out," the narcissist might withdraw emotionally or give their partner the silent treatment as a way to regain control or punish them for confronting their behavior.
Escalation of Abusive Behavior: In some cases, when a narcissist feels threatened or exposed, their abusive tendencies may escalate. This could include emotional, verbal, or even physical abuse.
Discarding and Leaving: On the other hand, some covert narcissists may choose to leave the relationship if they feel their partner's discovery of their narcissistic traits threatens their sense of superiority or entitlement. They might find it easier to move on to another partner who they believe won't challenge their behavior.
Acknowledgment and Willingness to Change: While it's less common, some covert narcissists might acknowledge their behavior and be open to seeking therapy or professional help to address their issues and work on change. However, true change is often challenging for narcissists and requires genuine commitment and self-awareness.
It's crucial to note that every individual and situation is unique, and responses may vary widely. If you suspect your partner is a covert narcissist and are concerned about your well-being or the well-being of your children, seeking support from friends, family, or a qualified therapist can be helpful. They can provide guidance on how to cope with the situation and make informed decisions about your future.