Choosing a narcissistic partner over a non-narcissistic one who genuinely loved you is a complex issue that can have various underlying reasons. While I cannot provide a definitive answer without knowing your specific circumstances, there are some common patterns and factors that may contribute to this dynamic:
Unresolved Past Trauma: Sometimes, individuals who have experienced past emotional wounds or trauma may be drawn to narcissistic partners. This attraction can be related to subconscious attempts to "fix" or heal past hurts through a new relationship, even if it's unhealthy.
Familiarity and Comfort: If you grew up in an environment with a narcissistic parent or caregiver, you might have become conditioned to the dynamics of such relationships. This familiarity can lead you to feel more comfortable with narcissistic partners, even if the behavior is harmful.
Low Self-Esteem: People with low self-esteem may be more susceptible to forming relationships with narcissists who initially provide a lot of attention and flattery. However, this praise can be used as a manipulation tactic to gain control over their partner.
Charm and Charisma: Narcissists often possess a charm and charisma that can be initially captivating. They might present themselves as confident, successful, and attractive, drawing you in before revealing their true nature.
Love-Bombing: During the early stages of a relationship, narcissists tend to engage in "love-bombing," showering their partners with excessive affection and attention. This intense display of affection can create an emotional bond that is difficult to break, even when the narcissist's behavior changes later on.
Boundary Issues: People who have weak boundaries or a tendency to prioritize others' needs over their own may be more likely to tolerate and stay in toxic relationships.
It's crucial to understand that being attracted to narcissists is not a reflection of your worth or character. These dynamics can be subconscious and deeply rooted in past experiences and emotions. Recognizing and addressing these patterns can be a vital step toward breaking the cycle and building healthier relationships in the future.
If you find yourself repeatedly drawn to narcissistic partners or are currently in a relationship with one, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be incredibly beneficial. A mental health professional can help you explore underlying issues, develop healthier relationship patterns, and work on building self-esteem and assertiveness. Remember that prioritizing your well-being and emotional health is essential in forming fulfilling and respectful relationships.