When you go no contact with a covert narcissist and stop feeding their need for attention and validation, it can have several potential effects on them. It's important to remember that narcissists' behaviors and responses can vary, so the exact reaction may differ from one individual to another. Here are some common ways a covert narcissist might react when they realize you are not engaging with them anymore:
Initial frustration or anger: At first, the narcissist may become frustrated or angry when they notice you are not responding to their attempts to contact you. They might feel a loss of control over the situation and react with irritation.
Attempts to regain control: Covert narcissists are skilled manipulators, and when they realize you are not feeding their ego, they may try various tactics to regain control over you. This might include love-bombing (overwhelming you with affection and attention), guilt-tripping, or playing the victim to evoke sympathy.
Hoovering: Hoovering is a term used to describe the narcissist's attempts to "suck" you back into the relationship after you have gone no contact. They might use various means, such as sending messages, showing up unexpectedly, or seeking mutual acquaintances' help, to draw you back into their sphere of influence.
Devaluation and discard: If the covert narcissist feels like they cannot control or manipulate you anymore, they may resort to devaluing and discarding you. This could involve derogatory remarks, insults, or simply cutting you off without any explanation.
Seeking new sources of narcissistic supply: Narcissists constantly need validation and attention, so when their primary source (you) is no longer available, they will likely seek out other sources of narcissistic supply to fulfill their needs. This could involve finding new friends, partners, or acquaintances who will provide them with the attention and admiration they crave.
Feeling abandoned or rejected: Underneath their grandiose facade, narcissists often have fragile self-esteem. Your rejection of them, even if it's necessary for your well-being, can trigger feelings of abandonment and rejection in the narcissist.
Indifference or moving on: In some cases, if the covert narcissist finds a new, more willing source of narcissistic supply, they might appear indifferent or move on relatively quickly without showing much distress.
Remember that going no contact is primarily about protecting your own well-being and mental health. It is not about trying to elicit a specific reaction from the narcissist. Narcissists are unlikely to change, and trying to get a reaction from them may lead to more manipulation and emotional harm. Focus on your healing, surround yourself with supportive people, and prioritize your own needs during this time.