Narcissists often exhibit manipulative and controlling behaviors as a way to maintain their self-perceived superiority and defend against feelings of inadequacy and vulnerability. When they take things from your past and throw them back in your face, it serves several purposes for them:
Gaslighting: By distorting or denying your past experiences or emotions, narcissists aim to make you doubt your own reality and memory. They may try to make you feel crazy or question the accuracy of your recollections, weakening your confidence and independence.
Invalidation: Throwing past events in your face is a form of invalidation, dismissing your feelings and emotions. They may minimize your experiences and emotions, making you feel unimportant or unworthy.
Power and Control: This behavior gives the narcissist a sense of power and control over you. By using your past against you, they attempt to assert dominance and manipulate you emotionally.
Deflection: When confronted with their own shortcomings or negative behaviors, narcissists often deflect blame onto others. By bringing up your past, they can shift the focus away from their actions and make you the target of criticism instead.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists lack empathy, so they may not care about the impact of their words or actions on you. They are more interested in maintaining their self-image and protecting their fragile self-esteem.
Self-Defense Mechanism: By attacking you with your past, narcissists may try to shield themselves from feelings of inadequacy or shame that might arise from their own shortcomings.
It's important to recognize that engaging with a narcissist in these situations can be emotionally draining and unproductive. They may not be open to rational discussions or self-reflection, as their primary concern is protecting their ego and self-image. Establishing strong boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can be essential for your well-being when dealing with narcissistic individuals.