When a narcissist is in a relationship with someone else but still pursues or maintains a connection with you, it is essential to understand that their motivations and behavior may be driven by several factors related to their personality traits and emotional needs. Here are some possible reasons why a narcissist may want to keep you as a source of attention or validation, even when they are with someone else:
Ego Boost: Narcissists thrive on attention and admiration from others. Having multiple sources of validation, such as having more than one romantic interest, boosts their ego and reinforces their sense of self-importance.
Supply and Backup: Narcissists seek narcissistic supply, which is the attention, admiration, and emotional energy they receive from others. By keeping you as a backup option, they ensure a continuous supply of validation, just in case their current relationship falters or they encounter difficulties.
Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists often fear being alone or abandoned. They may maintain contact with you to have a safety net or as a way to hedge their bets in case their current relationship ends.
Power and Control: For some narcissists, having multiple romantic interests allows them to feel powerful and in control. It gives them a sense of dominance over others and feeds their need for superiority.
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists tend to engage in an idealization and devaluation cycle in relationships. They may switch between showering you with affection and then pulling away or devaluing you, creating emotional turbulence and keeping you hooked.
Manipulative Tactics: By keeping you interested or on hold, the narcissist may use you as a tool to make their current partner jealous or to manipulate both of you for their benefit.
Lack of Genuine Connection: Narcissists often struggle with forming deep emotional connections. They may keep you around because they have difficulty genuinely bonding with their current partner and seek emotional intimacy from other sources.
It's essential to recognize that engaging with a narcissist, especially in a situation like this, can be emotionally harmful and lead to a cycle of manipulation and abuse. If you find yourself in this situation, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and consider setting clear boundaries or even distancing yourself from the narcissist to protect your emotional health.
Remember that a healthy and fulfilling relationship should be based on mutual respect, trust, and genuine emotional connection, none of which are typically present in a relationship with a narcissist. Seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be helpful in navigating the complexities of such relationships and moving forward in a healthier direction.