While it is true that narcissists often seek to maintain a sense of superiority and control in their relationships, the statement that they will not be happy in a new relationship unless they have "crushed" the previous partner is a bit simplistic and not universally applicable.
Narcissists can display a variety of behaviors and motivations in their relationships, and their actions may be driven by their underlying personality traits and insecurities. Here are a few points to consider:
Desire for Control: Narcissists typically crave control and admiration. They might want to feel like they "won" in the previous relationship, particularly if they perceive their ex-partner as having left or rejected them. This could be an attempt to salvage their self-esteem and assert dominance.
Idealization and Devaluation: Narcissists often engage in a cycle of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. During the idealization phase, they may shower their new partner with affection and praise. However, as the relationship progresses, they might devalue the partner if they don't live up to the narcissist's unrealistic expectations.
Seeking Validation: Narcissists have fragile self-esteem beneath their grandiose exterior. They may use new relationships as a means to seek validation and confirmation of their self-worth. The act of "crushing" the previous partner could be a way to feel more powerful and in control.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled manipulators and may use smear campaigns or other tactics to damage their ex-partner's reputation. This can serve to make themselves look better in the eyes of others and further establish control over the narrative.
Individual Differences: Not all narcissists are the same, and individuals can vary greatly in their behaviors and motivations. Some narcissists may not engage in vindictive behavior towards their ex-partner, especially if they have secured a new source of admiration and validation.
It's important to remember that not everyone who displays selfish or manipulative behavior is necessarily a clinical narcissist. Traits of narcissism can be present in varying degrees in different people.
If you are dealing with a difficult ex-partner or someone you suspect may have narcissistic traits, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being. Setting healthy boundaries, seeking support from friends and family, and, if necessary, seeking professional counseling can all be helpful in navigating challenging relationship dynamics.