For a narcissist, the concept of "the one that got away" can indeed exist, but it may not align with the traditional romantic or emotional context that it usually holds for non-narcissistic individuals.
In the context of a romantic relationship, "the one that got away" typically refers to a person with whom a strong emotional connection was formed but, for various reasons, the relationship did not work out, leaving the individual with feelings of regret or longing. For a narcissist, this concept might have a different interpretation and implications:
Source of Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists require constant validation and admiration from others, known as narcissistic supply. If a person provided abundant narcissistic supply, such as excessive admiration, adoration, and attention, and then suddenly cut off contact or ended the relationship, the narcissist may experience a sense of loss and frustration. They might consider this person "the one that got away" because they are no longer a readily available source of supply.
Challenge to the Ego: Narcissists often seek out relationships with individuals they perceive as exceptional, desirable, or unique, as it boosts their self-esteem and feeds their grandiosity. If such a person rejects the narcissist or proves to be difficult to control, the narcissist may develop a fixation on winning them back or proving their worth to them, viewing them as "the one that got away" due to the challenge they pose to the narcissist's ego.
Idealization and Devaluation: Narcissists commonly go through cycles of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. During the idealization phase, the person may be put on a pedestal and seen as perfect. However, if the person later disappoints the narcissist or challenges their inflated self-image, the narcissist may devalue and discard them. In this context, "the one that got away" could be someone who was once idealized but later discarded by the narcissist.
Manipulative Tactics: Narcissists are known for their manipulation and control strategies. They may use the idea of "the one that got away" to manipulate former partners or potential new partners, leveraging the concept to evoke feelings of jealousy or competition to regain control or elicit a desired response.
It's important to note that narcissists do not experience emotions in the same way as non-narcissistic individuals. Their focus on self-preservation and their lack of genuine empathy can result in superficial or instrumental emotions that serve their self-interests.
As always, dealing with a narcissist can be challenging and emotionally draining, and it's essential to set boundaries and prioritize one's well-being in any interactions with such individuals.