Yes, it is possible for a covert narcissist to use their behavior as a coping mechanism and be unaware of the full extent of their actions and their impact on others. Covert narcissism is a subtype of narcissistic personality disorder characterized by a more subtle and introverted presentation of narcissistic traits.
Covert narcissists tend to exhibit feelings of inadequacy, hypersensitivity to criticism, and a tendency to avoid attention. They may appear modest and self-effacing on the surface, but underneath, they still harbor a grandiose sense of self-importance and a need for admiration.
The unawareness of their behavior can arise from several factors:
Lack of self-awareness: Like any other personality disorder, narcissistic individuals might struggle with self-awareness, making it challenging for them to recognize and understand the impact of their actions on others.
Defense mechanisms: Covert narcissists may utilize defense mechanisms, such as denial and rationalization, to protect themselves from acknowledging their narcissistic tendencies and negative behaviors.
Perception management: They may engage in perception management to maintain a positive self-image. They might convince themselves that their behaviors are justified or not harmful, even when they are hurting others.
Externalizing blame: Covert narcissists may place blame on others or external circumstances for any negative consequences of their behavior, avoiding introspection and self-critique.
Emotional avoidance: Unaware covert narcissists may have difficulty confronting their emotions, which can further contribute to their lack of self-awareness.
It's important to note that while some covert narcissists may genuinely be unaware of their behavior, others may be more calculating and intentional in their actions. Narcissism exists on a spectrum, and individual differences can lead to varying levels of self-awareness and insight.
Regardless of the awareness level, dealing with a covert narcissist can be challenging for those around them, as they can still engage in manipulative and hurtful behaviors, even if they are not fully conscious of their actions. If you find yourself in a relationship with someone exhibiting narcissistic traits, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be beneficial in understanding the dynamics and developing coping strategies.