A covert narcissist, like any narcissist, typically has difficulty accepting responsibility for their actions and shortcomings. When held accountable for their behavior, they may respond in various ways, often trying to avoid blame or maintain their self-image as a victim or misunderstood individual. Here are some common responses a covert narcissist may exhibit when faced with accountability:
Deflection: Covert narcissists might deflect blame onto others or external circumstances. They may try to shift the focus away from their actions by blaming someone else or claiming they were provoked or forced into their behavior.
Playing the Victim: They may portray themselves as the victim in the situation, seeking sympathy and attention from others. They might exaggerate or fabricate their suffering to gain support and validation.
Gaslighting: Covert narcissists may use gaslighting techniques to manipulate the perception of the person holding them accountable. They might deny or distort events, make the person doubt their memory, or claim that the accountability is based on false information.
Minimization: They might downplay their actions or the impact of their behavior, making it seem less severe or significant than it actually is. This tactic is used to diminish the importance of accountability.
Silent Treatment: In response to being held accountable, a covert narcissist might give the silent treatment or withdraw emotionally to punish the person confronting them.
Shifting Blame: They may acknowledge some fault but quickly shift the blame back to the person holding them accountable. For example, they might say something like, "I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't..." to avoid taking full responsibility.
Defensiveness: Covert narcissists often react defensively, feeling attacked or criticized when confronted with their behavior. They may become angry, argumentative, or dismissive to protect their fragile self-esteem.
False Apologies: If they do apologize, it might be insincere or followed by excuses and justifications for their actions. They may apologize to appease the other person without actually acknowledging their wrongdoing.
Avoidance: Instead of engaging in the accountability process, a covert narcissist might avoid the conversation altogether or physically distance themselves from the situation.
It's essential to recognize that dealing with a covert narcissist can be challenging and emotionally draining. It's crucial to set clear boundaries, prioritize your well-being, and seek support from friends, family, or a mental health professional if needed. Remember that you cannot change or fix a narcissist's behavior, but you can focus on your own growth and self-care.