Narcissists can indeed pretend to be nice for extended periods, sometimes even for years. They are often skilled actors and can put on a charming and pleasant facade when it serves their purposes. This ability to present a likable and engaging persona is known as the "narcissistic mask."
The duration for which a narcissist can maintain this pretense varies from person to person and depends on several factors:
Motivation: Narcissists are driven by their need for admiration, validation, and control. If they believe that being nice and charming will help them achieve their goals or maintain control over others, they may continue the act for as long as it serves their interests.
Source of Supply: Narcissists seek "narcissistic supply," which refers to the attention, admiration, and validation they receive from others. If they find a steady and satisfactory source of supply by pretending to be nice, they may prolong the act.
Adaptability: Narcissists can be adaptable and astute observers of human behavior. They may adjust their behavior based on the reactions they receive from others. If they sense that being nice is getting them what they want, they may persist with the act.
Environments and Relationships: The dynamics of different environments and relationships can influence a narcissist's behavior. In some situations, they may find it easier to maintain the facade of being nice, while in others, their true traits may surface more readily.
Changes in Circumstances: The duration of the narcissist's nice behavior may change based on shifts in their life circumstances, such as changes in relationships, work situations, or personal goals.
It's important to note that the nice behavior displayed by a narcissist is often a manipulation tactic to gain trust, control, and admiration. Behind the facade, narcissists typically lack genuine empathy and are primarily focused on their own needs and desires.
Over time, the mask of niceness may start to slip, especially if the narcissist feels secure in the relationship or if they face challenges to their sense of self-importance. When their needs are not met or they feel threatened, they may resort to their more typical narcissistic behavior, which can include manipulation, gaslighting, and emotional abuse.
If you suspect that someone in your life might be a narcissist, it's essential to be cautious and observant of their behavior. Establishing boundaries, seeking support, and considering professional guidance can be helpful when dealing with a relationship with a narcissistic individual.