It's not uncommon for a narcissist to speak positively about their ex-partner, portraying them as good and supportive, even if the narcissist's behavior and actions may suggest otherwise. There are several reasons why a narcissist might do this:
Maintaining a Positive Image: Narcissists are highly concerned with their public image and how others perceive them. Speaking positively about their ex allows them to maintain the appearance of being a reasonable and amicable person, even if the relationship ended on negative terms.
Seeking Validation: Narcissists crave validation and admiration from others. Praising their ex-partner may be a way for them to receive validation from friends, family, or acquaintances who hold the ex in high regard.
Triangulation: By speaking well of their ex, the narcissist may be attempting to create a sense of competition or jealousy in the new partner or potential love interests. This is a manipulative tactic known as triangulation.
Future Manipulation: By building up the ex as a good and supportive person, the narcissist can later use any criticism or negative talk about the ex against their current partner. For example, they might say, "Why can't you be as good as my ex was?" to guilt or manipulate their new partner.
Idealization and Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists often go through cycles of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. Initially, they may idealize their partner and put them on a pedestal, but as the relationship progresses, they begin to devalue and criticize them. Praising their ex-partner could be a sign of the idealization phase during the previous relationship.
Emotional Manipulation: By appearing to speak positively about their ex, the narcissist may be trying to confuse and emotionally manipulate their current partner. It can create doubt and uncertainty, making the current partner feel inadequate or question the narcissist's feelings for them.
Gaslighting: Narcissists are skilled at gaslighting, which involves distorting the truth or denying their harmful actions. By speaking positively about their ex, the narcissist may be attempting to make their current partner doubt any negative experiences they may have had in the relationship.
It's essential to recognize that narcissists' behavior is complex and driven by their need for control, admiration, and self-preservation. Their actions often serve their own interests, even if they contradict their words or appear inconsistent. It's crucial for those dealing with narcissists to understand the manipulative nature of such behavior and seek support from friends, family, or mental health professionals to navigate the challenges of a relationship with a narcissistic individual.