When you refuse to be a narcissist's doormat, you are setting boundaries and asserting your own needs and self-worth. This can lead to several possible outcomes, depending on the individual narcissist and the specific circumstances:
Narcissistic Rage: Narcissists often have a low tolerance for any challenge to their perceived superiority or control. When you assert yourself and set boundaries, they may react with narcissistic rage. This could manifest as anger, belittlement, insults, or even attempts to manipulate or punish you emotionally.
Gaslighting and Manipulation: In response to your refusal to comply with their desires, the narcissist may try to manipulate your perception of reality or question your judgment. They might use gaslighting techniques to make you doubt your own feelings and decisions, further attempting to regain control.
Discard or Withdrawal: If the narcissist feels they can no longer control or exploit you, they may choose to discard you or withdraw their attention and affection. This can be a tactic to punish you for not fulfilling their expectations or to find another person who they believe will be more compliant.
Attempts to Regain Control: Some narcissists may try to regain control over you by resorting to love bombing or showering you with attention and affection temporarily. This can be a tactic to draw you back into the relationship or to manipulate you into compliance.
Smear Campaign: If you distance yourself from the narcissist and they feel their ego is threatened, they may launch a smear campaign against you. They might spread lies, rumors, or distort the truth to tarnish your reputation and make themselves look like the victim.
Maintaining Healthy Boundaries: In some cases, if the narcissist respects your boundaries or perceives you as strong and assertive, they might adjust their behavior slightly. However, it's important to note that genuine change in a narcissist's behavior is rare, as the core traits of NPD make it challenging for them to sustain meaningful and lasting changes.
When dealing with a narcissist, it's crucial to prioritize your well-being and mental health. Setting and enforcing boundaries is essential for maintaining your self-respect and preventing emotional harm. Surround yourself with a support network of friends, family, or a therapist who can offer guidance and validation as you navigate the challenges of dealing with a narcissistic individual. In extreme cases, if the relationship becomes emotionally or physically abusive, it may be necessary to consider your safety and seek professional help to plan a safe exit from the relationship.