Wanting to get back with a narcissistic ex, even when you know you weren't treated right, can be a complex and confusing emotional experience. It's essential to remember that there is nothing inherently wrong with you for feeling this way. These feelings are quite common among individuals who have been in relationships with narcissists, and they stem from various psychological and emotional factors. Here are a few reasons why you might be feeling this way:
Trauma Bonding: Narcissists can create a strong emotional bond with their partners, which is known as trauma bonding. Despite the mistreatment, you might have developed a powerful emotional attachment to your ex, making it challenging to break away completely.
Idealization Phase: Narcissists often use an idealization phase in the beginning of the relationship, where they shower their partner with love, affection, and attention. This creates a euphoric feeling and a desire to get back to those initial happy moments, even if they were short-lived.
Gaslighting and Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating their partners and making them doubt their own perceptions of reality. They may make you believe that the problems in the relationship were your fault or that they will change, which can lead to a desire to give them another chance.
Fear of Loneliness: Leaving a relationship, even a toxic one, can be scary. The fear of being alone or starting over might be holding you back from fully letting go.
Low Self-Esteem: Narcissists often prey on individuals with low self-esteem, making them feel dependent on the narcissist for validation and self-worth. This can lead to a belief that you won't find someone better or that you deserve the mistreatment.
Hope for Change: People naturally hope for positive change and reconciliation, especially if they once had strong feelings for their partner. This hope can be amplified when the narcissist promises to change or demonstrates temporary remorse.
Familiarity and Comfort: Even if the relationship was toxic, it might still feel familiar and comfortable because you became accustomed to the dynamics over time.
Recognizing that there is something wrong in the relationship and considering leaving or staying away from a narcissistic ex is a crucial step. However, breaking free from the emotional hold of a toxic relationship can take time and support. It's essential to seek help from friends, family, or a therapist who can provide understanding, guidance, and support throughout this process.
Remember that healing and growth are possible. You deserve to be in a healthy and loving relationship, one where you are treated with respect, kindness, and empathy. Taking the time to focus on your own well-being and personal growth can lead you to healthier and happier relationships in the future.