Remembering only the good parts of a past relationship, especially with a narcissistic individual, is a common psychological phenomenon known as "rosy retrospection" or "nostalgia bias." It happens when we tend to focus on and remember the positive aspects of a past experience while downplaying or forgetting the negative aspects. There are a few reasons why this might be occurring in your case:
Emotional Attachment: Even in unhealthy relationships, emotional attachments can form. The brain tends to reinforce positive memories, especially when emotions are involved. This can make it difficult to let go of the positive memories, even if the overall relationship was toxic.
Idealization: Narcissists are skilled at idealizing and love-bombing their partners during the initial stages of a relationship. This intense affection and attention can create powerful positive memories that linger even after the relationship has ended.
Cognitive Dissonance: After a breakup, our minds often try to reconcile the conflicting emotions and experiences we had in the relationship. This can lead to rationalizing or minimizing negative aspects and focusing on the positive, creating a more idealized version of the past.
Coping Mechanism: Remembering the good parts of the relationship may serve as a coping mechanism to help you deal with the pain of the breakup. It's easier to remember the positive moments rather than face the reality of a toxic relationship.
Loneliness and Missing Connection: After a breakup, you might feel lonely or miss the emotional connection you had with your ex-partner. This can make the positive memories feel more appealing, tempting you to reach out to reestablish contact.
It's important to be aware of these cognitive biases and understand that remembering only the good parts can lead to making impulsive decisions, like reaching out to your ex-narcissist. Reconnecting with a narcissistic ex-partner is generally not advisable, as it can lead to further emotional manipulation and hurt.
If you find yourself struggling to move past these feelings and memories, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional. Talking through your emotions and experiences with a therapist can help you gain clarity, heal from the past, and make healthier choices for your future well-being. Remember that self-care and setting boundaries are crucial when dealing with the aftermath of a toxic relationship.