In families with a narcissistic mother, the dynamic between the golden child and the scapegoat child is often characterized by a stark contrast in the way they are treated. The golden child is typically favored, praised, and idealized by the narcissistic mother, while the scapegoat child is consistently blamed, criticized, and devalued. This differential treatment can lead to deep-seated issues and complex emotions for both the golden child and the scapegoat child.
Regarding the golden child's rage and hostility toward the scapegoat child, there are several potential reasons for this behavior:
Manipulation and Control: The narcissistic mother often uses manipulation and control tactics to create divisions and competition among her children. By pitting the golden child against the scapegoat child, she maintains control over both and ensures that they are distracted from recognizing her own shortcomings.
Projection: The golden child may harbor unresolved feelings of guilt or resentment towards the narcissistic mother, but due to their privileged position, they may not feel safe expressing these emotions directly. Instead, they may project their anger onto the scapegoat child, seeing them as the cause of family issues.
Fear of Losing Favor: The golden child may fear losing their privileged position within the family if they were to sympathize with the scapegoat or challenge the mother's behavior. To protect their favored status, they may join in on scapegoating the other child.
Emotional Neglect: Despite receiving praise and adoration, the golden child may also experience emotional neglect from the narcissistic mother. This emotional neglect can lead to feelings of emptiness, confusion, and frustration, which they may project onto the scapegoat child.
Enmeshment: The golden child may have an enmeshed relationship with the narcissistic mother, where their individual identity becomes intertwined with hers. They may adopt her perspectives and beliefs, including the negative views of the scapegoat child.
Defense Mechanism: The golden child's hostility toward the scapegoat child can serve as a defense mechanism to protect themselves from the mother's wrath. By aligning with the mother and participating in scapegoating, they may believe they can avoid becoming the target themselves.
It's essential to remember that these dynamics are complex and often deeply rooted in long-standing family patterns. Both the golden child and the scapegoat child can suffer in different ways due to the narcissistic mother's behavior, and they may carry these wounds into adulthood.
It's crucial for individuals who were raised in such environments to seek therapy and support to understand and heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse. Breaking free from these patterns and developing healthier relationships can be challenging but essential for personal growth and well-being.