When a narcissist discards someone they were in a relationship with, their reaction can vary based on several factors, including their personality, the nature of the relationship, and the reason for the discard. However, there are some common patterns of behavior that narcissists may exhibit when they feel they discarded the "wrong" person:
Idealization of the Past: After discarding the person, the narcissist might engage in idealizing the past, reminiscing about the positive aspects of the relationship. They may selectively remember the good times while conveniently forgetting the negative aspects or reasons that led to the discard.
Hoovering Attempts: "Hoovering" refers to attempts made by the narcissist to draw the discarded person back into the relationship. When the narcissist realizes they lost control or that the person has moved on, they might try to regain power and attention by reaching out, expressing remorse, or making promises to change.
Seeking Validation and Attention: If the narcissist perceives that the person they discarded is doing well without them, they may feel threatened by this and seek ways to regain the upper hand. They might attempt to gain attention or validation through grandiose displays or dramatic gestures.
Smear Campaigns: To protect their ego and image, the narcissist might resort to a smear campaign against the discarded person. They may spread rumors, lies, or negative information about the individual to damage their reputation and ensure that others see the narcissist in a more favorable light.
Emotional Manipulation: If the discarded person is open to communication, the narcissist may attempt emotional manipulation to create confusion and doubt. They might use guilt, pity, or emotional appeals to elicit a response or regain control over the situation.
Moving on Quickly: Some narcissists may appear to move on to new relationships very quickly after a discard. This behavior might be an attempt to validate their self-worth or to prove to themselves and others that they are desirable and in control.
It's important to note that any reaction from the narcissist, including the perception that they discarded the "wrong" person, should not be interpreted as genuine regret or a desire for reconciliation. Narcissists are primarily motivated by a need for control, attention, and admiration, and their actions are generally driven by their self-centered and manipulative tendencies.
For the person who has been discarded, it's crucial to prioritize self-care, heal from the emotional wounds of the relationship, and establish healthy boundaries. Dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally challenging, so seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be beneficial in the recovery process.