There could be several reasons why relatives might not see how horrible a covert narcissist truly is:
Mask of Charm: Covert narcissists often present a charming and likable façade to the outside world. They may appear kind, empathetic, and sensitive, especially in public or around other family members. This charm can make it challenging for others to recognize their manipulative and hurtful behaviors.
Manipulative Tactics: Covert narcissists are skilled at manipulation and emotional manipulation. They can be highly adept at gaslighting, making others doubt their own perceptions and experiences. This can make it difficult for relatives to understand the true nature of the narcissist's behavior.
Selective Targeting: Covert narcissists may be selective in their abuse, directing their harmful behaviors primarily toward specific individuals while treating others with more kindness. Relatives who are not targeted directly may not witness the narcissist's abusive tendencies.
Love and Loyalty: Family members may have a history with the covert narcissist and have strong emotional ties and loyalties that make it hard for them to see the narcissist's negative traits objectively. They may have difficulty accepting that someone they care about is capable of such behavior.
Grooming and Isolation: Covert narcissists often engage in grooming behaviors, isolating their victims from others and creating a sense of dependency. This isolation can prevent relatives from hearing the victim's perspective or noticing the abusive patterns.
Blaming the Victim: Narcissists are skilled at playing the victim and shifting blame onto others. They may portray themselves as the ones who are mistreated or misunderstood, making it difficult for relatives to see the truth.
Masks in Different Settings: Covert narcissists may act differently depending on the setting or situation. They might behave differently around family compared to how they act in public or with other people. This variability can create confusion and make it harder for relatives to piece together the narcissist's true nature.
Denial and Cognitive Dissonance: It can be psychologically challenging for people to accept that someone they love or care about is harmful or abusive. This can lead to denial and cognitive dissonance, where contradictory beliefs about the narcissist are rationalized or ignored.
Fear of Confrontation: Confronting a narcissist can be intimidating, as they may react with anger, aggression, or retaliation. Relatives may avoid acknowledging the narcissist's behavior to avoid conflict or potential negative repercussions.
It's crucial to remember that dealing with narcissistic individuals can be complex and emotionally taxing. If you suspect that a family member is dealing with a covert narcissist or if you are concerned about someone's well-being, encourage open communication and offer support. Consider seeking guidance from mental health professionals who can provide insights and strategies for coping with narcissistic abuse and improving relationships within the family.