Narcissists can have relationships with their "supplies" (people who provide them with attention, admiration, and validation) that last for extended periods for several reasons:
Idealization Phase: At the beginning of the relationship, narcissists often engage in an intense idealization phase. They shower their partner with love, attention, and affection, making the other person feel special and valued. This idealization creates a strong emotional bond and can be highly addictive for the partner.
Love Bombing: Narcissists are skilled at love bombing, which is an excessive display of affection and attention. Love bombing can be overwhelming and intoxicating, making the partner feel desired and adored.
Manipulation and Control: Once the narcissist has the partner emotionally invested and dependent on them, they may use manipulative tactics to maintain control. This could include gaslighting (making the partner doubt their perceptions and reality), emotional blackmail, or guilt-tripping.
Fear of Abandonment: While narcissists may not have genuine love or empathy for their partners, they fear being abandoned or rejected themselves. The thought of losing their source of validation and admiration can be deeply unsettling, so they do what they can to keep their partners engaged and attached.
Cycle of Devaluation and Idealization: Narcissists often cycle between idealizing their partners (the love bombing phase) and devaluing them (where they may criticize, demean, or withdraw affection). These cycles can create confusion and emotional upheaval for the partner, but the hope of returning to the idealization phase keeps them hooked.
Codependency: Some partners of narcissists may develop codependent tendencies, making it difficult for them to leave the relationship. Codependency is a dysfunctional pattern where one person excessively relies on another for their sense of self-worth and validation.
Isolation from Support Systems: Narcissists may isolate their partners from friends and family or foster an environment where the partner becomes emotionally dependent on the narcissist. This makes it harder for the partner to seek help or leave the relationship.
Financial or Practical Dependence: In some cases, the partner might be financially or practically dependent on the narcissist, making it challenging to leave without significant consequences.
It's important to note that every relationship is unique, and not all relationships with narcissists last for years. Some partners may eventually break free, while others may stay in the relationship for an extended period despite the emotional toll it takes on them. Leaving a relationship with a narcissist can be extremely challenging due to the psychological manipulation and control they exert over their partners. Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be vital for individuals trying to disentangle themselves from such relationships.