A narcissist's behavior can be complex and challenging to understand. When a narcissist holds onto someone while being cruel and mean to them, it is often related to their need for control, power, and validation. There are several reasons why this dynamic may occur:
Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists crave attention, admiration, and validation from others, known as narcissistic supply. They might want to keep you around to ensure a steady stream of this supply, even if it means treating you poorly. They enjoy having control over your emotions and knowing that they can affect you deeply.
Fear of Abandonment: Despite their apparent self-confidence, narcissists often suffer from deep-seated feelings of inadequacy and fear of being abandoned or rejected. By manipulating and mistreating you, they might attempt to keep you close out of fear that you will leave them first.
Power and Control: Narcissists typically have an overwhelming desire for control over others. They may use cruelty and manipulation as tools to maintain dominance in the relationship. When you leave, it may threaten their sense of control, leading to further attempts to maintain their power over you.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at emotional manipulation. They might switch between being kind and cruel to keep you off balance and emotionally dependent on them. This tactic makes it harder for you to leave the relationship because you cling to the hope that the "nice" version of the narcissist will return.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often have a profound lack of empathy for others. They might not fully comprehend or care about the pain they inflict on you. Their focus is primarily on their own needs and desires, making it easier for them to be cruel without feeling remorse.
Need for Validation: Narcissists often feel a constant need for external validation and admiration. When they see that you are affected by their behavior, it confirms their belief that they are significant and powerful.
Sense of Entitlement: Narcissists may believe they are entitled to treat others however they please. They might not see your departure as a consequence of their behavior but rather as an affront to their perceived superiority.
It's crucial to recognize that dealing with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and harmful to your well-being. If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, it's essential to prioritize your mental and emotional health. Setting boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be beneficial in helping you navigate and potentially leave such a toxic relationship.