Yes, narcissists may often compare their current partners with their ex-partners. This behavior can serve several purposes for a narcissist:
Ego reinforcement: By comparing their current partner unfavorably to their ex, the narcissist may feel a temporary boost to their ego and sense of superiority. It allows them to feel that they have "upgraded" to a better partner, which feeds their need for admiration and validation.
Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and comparing their current partner with their ex can be a way to control and undermine their partner's self-esteem. They may use comparisons to make their partner feel inadequate or insecure, which can lead to emotional dependency on the narcissist.
Gaslighting: Gaslighting is a tactic used by narcissists to make their partner doubt their perception of reality and question their sanity. By comparing their partner to their ex, the narcissist may distort the current partner's memories and experiences, leading to confusion and self-doubt.
Maintaining control: By reminding their partner of their ex, the narcissist can assert their dominance and maintain a level of control over the relationship. They may use the fear of being replaced or compared to keep their partner compliant and afraid of losing them.
Idealization and devaluation cycle: Narcissists often go through cycles of idealization and devaluation in their relationships. Comparing their current partner negatively to their ex can be a part of the devaluation phase, where the narcissist starts to undermine their partner's worth in preparation for potential discard or replacement.
It's important to note that not all individuals who compare their partners to their ex are narcissists. Sometimes people compare their past and present relationships to gain insights into what they want or need in a partner. However, in the context of a relationship with a narcissist, these comparisons are more likely to be used as tools for manipulation and control. If you find yourself in such a situation, it's crucial to recognize the red flags and consider seeking support or professional help to navigate the relationship dynamics safely.