The phrase "living multiple lives" in the context of narcissism generally refers to the tendency of narcissists to construct and maintain different personas or false identities to manipulate and control others. Narcissists often engage in this behavior to maintain a positive self-image and to achieve their desired outcomes, such as gaining admiration, attention, and power over others.
Here are some ways in which narcissists may live multiple lives:
False Self vs. True Self: Narcissists often create a false self, an idealized version of themselves that they present to the world. This false self is charming, charismatic, and appears confident, but it is a facade that hides their true, vulnerable self. The true self is usually fragile, insecure, and filled with self-doubt.
Chameleon-like Behavior: Narcissists are skilled at adapting their personality and behavior to fit different situations and social groups. They can quickly switch between different personas depending on whom they are interacting with, in order to gain favor and manipulate others.
Love Bombing and Devaluation: In romantic relationships, narcissists often engage in a cycle of love bombing, where they shower their partner with affection, attention, and compliments to win them over. Once they have gained control and the partner becomes emotionally invested, the narcissist may start devaluing and manipulating them.
Manipulation and Gaslighting: Narcissists are skilled manipulators. They may deceive others by lying about their achievements, personal history, or even relationships to create a false narrative that serves their interests. Gaslighting is a tactic they use to make others doubt their own perceptions, memories, and sanity.
Isolating Different Social Circles: Narcissists may keep different social circles separate to avoid detection of their inconsistencies and manipulative behavior. They may present different personas to different groups of people and carefully manage what information is shared between them.
Pathological Lying: Narcissists often engage in compulsive lying to enhance their self-image, evade responsibility, or manipulate others. They may tell different stories to different people to appear more impressive or garner sympathy.
Social Media Persona: In the digital age, narcissists may cultivate an exaggerated and carefully curated image of themselves on social media, showcasing only the most flattering aspects of their lives while hiding their flaws and vulnerabilities.
It's important to note that not all individuals with narcissistic traits will exhibit all of these behaviors, and the degree to which they engage in multiple lives can vary significantly. Narcissistic personality disorder is a complex and often destructive condition that can cause significant harm to both the individual and those around them. If you suspect someone close to you is a narcissist, seeking professional help or support from friends and family is advisable.