After a breakup, a narcissist's behavior and desires can vary depending on the individual and the circumstances of the relationship. Here are some common things a narcissist might want or seek after a breakup:
Attention and Validation: Narcissists thrive on attention and validation, and a breakup can trigger a need for reassurance and confirmation of their desirability. They may seek attention from friends, family, or new potential partners to boost their ego.
Revenge and Retaliation: A narcissist might feel wounded or humiliated by the breakup, leading to a desire for revenge or retaliation against their ex-partner. This can manifest in various ways, such as spreading rumors, engaging in smear campaigns, or attempting to sabotage their ex-partner's life.
Hoovering: Hoovering is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to try to draw their ex-partner back into the relationship. They may use flattery, promises of change, or even guilt-tripping to elicit an emotional response and regain control over the situation.
Idealization of a New Partner: Narcissists might quickly move on to a new relationship and idealize their new partner as a way to cope with the loss and maintain their self-esteem. They may also use this new relationship to make their ex-partner feel jealous or inadequate.
Isolation of the Ex-Partner: A narcissist may try to isolate their ex-partner socially by spreading false narratives or manipulating mutual friends to take their side, making it harder for the ex-partner to move on.
No Contact: In some cases, a narcissist might decide to employ a "no contact" strategy to punish their ex-partner, attempting to regain control by withholding any communication.
Validation of Their Decision: Narcissists may seek validation that the breakup was the right decision, particularly if their ex-partner appears to be doing well or moving on. Seeing their ex-partner struggle without them can provide a sense of superiority and self-assurance.
It's important to note that not all narcissists will exhibit all of these behaviors, and some might handle a breakup more gracefully or amicably. Additionally, individuals with narcissistic traits might also experience emotions like sadness, anger, or loneliness after a breakup, although their responses may still be self-centered and lack empathy for their ex-partner.
For the person on the receiving end of a breakup with a narcissist, it's essential to prioritize self-care, set boundaries, and seek support from friends, family, or professionals to navigate the challenging emotions that can arise in such situations.