There can be several reasons why a narcissist may stay with the same partner for over 10 years:
Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists crave attention, admiration, and validation from others, which is known as narcissistic supply. If their current partner continues to provide this supply, the narcissist may choose to remain in the relationship to maintain a consistent source of validation.
Control and Dominance: Narcissists often have a strong need for control and dominance in their relationships. Staying with the same partner for an extended period allows them to maintain power and manipulate the partner to meet their needs.
Fear of Abandonment: Despite their self-centered behavior, some narcissists fear being abandoned or rejected by their partner. They may feel a sense of security in a long-term relationship where they have established a level of control.
Cyclical Nature of Narcissistic Relationships: Narcissistic relationships often follow a cyclical pattern of idealization, devaluation, and discard. The idealization phase, where the narcissist puts their partner on a pedestal, can be very alluring and keep the partner hooked. The devaluation phase can be emotionally damaging, but the hope of returning to the idealization phase can keep the partner from leaving.
External Factors: There could be external factors that make it difficult for the partner to leave, such as financial dependence, shared assets, children, fear of repercussions, or social pressure to maintain the appearance of a stable relationship.
Lack of Self-Awareness: Some narcissists may lack self-awareness regarding their personality traits and how their behavior affects others. They may not see a reason to end the relationship if they believe their partner is fulfilling their needs.
Manipulation and Gaslighting: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating their partners and may use gaslighting techniques to make their partner doubt themselves or their perceptions. This can lead the partner to question whether the problems in the relationship are their fault or if things will improve with time.
It's important to understand that staying in a relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally and psychologically harmful to the partner. Over time, the partner may experience a decline in self-esteem, emotional well-being, and overall happiness. Recognizing the dynamics of a narcissistic relationship is crucial for anyone involved with a narcissist to protect their own mental and emotional health. Seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can be essential in navigating such challenging situations.