Covert narcissists may appear pitiful or evoke sympathy when called out because they often present themselves as victims or misunderstood individuals. Unlike overt narcissists who display their grandiosity and arrogance openly, covert narcissists tend to be more subtle and may portray themselves as sensitive, introverted, or selfless. This facade can make it challenging for others to recognize their manipulative and narcissistic behaviors until they are called out or confronted.
Here are some reasons why covert narcissists may seem pitiful when confronted:
Victim Mentality: Covert narcissists are skilled at adopting a victim mentality, where they portray themselves as the ones who have been wronged or mistreated by others. They may use this tactic to elicit sympathy and deflect attention away from their own harmful actions.
Pity Play: When confronted, covert narcissists may use tactics such as crying, expressing vulnerability, or self-pity to manipulate the emotions of others. This can make it difficult for people to hold them accountable for their behavior.
Gaslighting and Denial: Covert narcissists are adept at gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation where they distort facts and reality to make the other person doubt their perceptions. They may deny any wrongdoing and shift blame onto the person who called them out, causing the accuser to question their judgment.
Fear of Exposure: Confronting a covert narcissist threatens their carefully crafted image of being a compassionate and caring person. They may fear exposure and losing control over how others perceive them, which can lead them to adopt a pitiful persona to protect themselves.
Emotional Manipulation: Covert narcissists often use emotional manipulation to control others. When called out, they may intensify these tactics, using guilt, shame, or emotional blackmail to gain sympathy and avoid accountability.
Feigned Innocence: Covert narcissists may act innocent and naïve, claiming they had no idea their actions were hurtful. This can further play on the emotions of the person confronting them and make them doubt the legitimacy of their concerns.
It's important to recognize that while covert narcissists may appear pitiful when confronted, their behavior is still manipulative and harmful. It's essential to maintain clear boundaries and protect yourself from being emotionally exploited by their tactics. If you find yourself dealing with a covert narcissist, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial in navigating the complexities of the relationship and maintaining your emotional well-being.