Narcissists can hang on even when you stop returning the "I love you" for several reasons, which are rooted in their personality traits and emotional needs:
Need for Narcissistic Supply: Narcissists have an insatiable need for narcissistic supply, which is the admiration, attention, and validation they receive from others. The "I love you" and expressions of affection serve as a significant source of narcissistic supply for them. Even if you stop returning the affection, they may continue to seek it in hopes of regaining their desired supply.
Control and Manipulation: Narcissists often view relationships as a means to control and manipulate others. When you stop reciprocating love, they may feel a loss of control and may intensify their efforts to reestablish power and dominance in the relationship.
Fear of Rejection and Abandonment: Beneath their grandiose facade, many narcissists harbor deep-seated feelings of insecurity and fear of rejection. When you withhold affection, they may interpret it as rejection or abandonment, triggering anxiety and a desperate attempt to regain your attention and affection.
Maintaining a Sense of Superiority: Narcissists thrive on feeling superior to others. If you once expressed love and admiration for them, they may cling to the belief that they are exceptional and that you should continue to adore them, regardless of your feelings.
Idealization-Devaluation Cycle: Narcissists often go through cycles of idealizing and devaluing their partners. When you stop expressing love, they may see it as a challenge to win back your admiration, leading them to redouble their efforts to idealize you again.
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists have limited capacity for empathy, making it difficult for them to understand or accept that their behavior may be hurting you. Their focus remains primarily on their own needs and desires.
Emotional Manipulation: Some narcissists may use guilt, emotional manipulation, or gaslighting techniques to elicit a response from you. They might try to make you feel responsible for their emotions or actions, attempting to control you indirectly.
It's important to remember that a healthy, fulfilling relationship cannot be sustained with a narcissist. They are unlikely to change fundamentally, and their behavior can be emotionally harmful. If you find yourself entangled with a narcissistic individual, consider seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional to help you navigate the challenges and make decisions that prioritize your well-being. In many cases, establishing and maintaining strong boundaries and, if possible, going no contact may be necessary for your emotional health and healing.