The idea that "you attract what you are" is a common saying, but it's not a definitive rule that applies in all situations. While there can be some truth to the concept that our behavior and traits can influence the type of people we attract, it is an oversimplification to say that attracting certain individuals, like narcissists, necessarily means that you are one too.
There are several reasons why someone might find themselves attracting narcissistic individuals:
Empathy and Compassion: People who are empathetic, caring, and compassionate may be more likely to attract narcissists. Narcissists often seek out empathetic individuals because they see them as potential sources of admiration, attention, and validation.
Low Self-Esteem: Individuals with lower self-esteem or unresolved emotional issues might unknowingly gravitate towards narcissists because the latter may initially appear confident and charismatic. The narcissist's charm can be enticing, especially for those seeking validation or approval.
Codependency: Codependent individuals tend to prioritize others' needs over their own and may find themselves in relationships with narcissists who thrive on having their needs constantly met.
Boundary Issues: People who struggle to set and enforce healthy boundaries may attract narcissists, who often push limits and take advantage of others.
Prior Experiences: Past relationships or family dynamics can influence whom someone attracts in the future. If someone has experienced narcissistic abuse before, they may inadvertently be drawn to similar patterns again.
Unconscious Patterns: Sometimes, patterns in our own behavior, which we may not be fully aware of, can attract certain types of people, including narcissists.
It's essential to recognize that attracting narcissists does not necessarily mean you are a narcissist yourself. However, it can be helpful to reflect on your own behaviors and tendencies to understand why you may repeatedly find yourself in such relationships.
If you consistently attract narcissistic individuals or find yourself in unhealthy relationships, it might be beneficial to seek support from a therapist or counselor. They can help you explore any underlying issues, build healthier boundaries, improve self-esteem, and develop more fulfilling and positive relationship dynamics in the future. Remember, self-awareness and personal growth are vital steps toward breaking free from harmful relationship patterns.