Narcissistic manipulation by proxy, also known as "Narcissistic Abuse by Proxy," refers to a tactic used by a narcissist to continue their control and manipulation over a target, even when direct contact between the narcissist and the target has been limited or severed. In this form of manipulation, the narcissist enlists the help of third parties (proxies) to carry out their agenda, typically to harass, intimidate, or exert control over the target.
The proxies can be individuals close to the narcissist, such as family members, friends, or new partners, or even strangers who are manipulated or deceived into participating in the narcissist's schemes. The proxies may not be aware that they are being used to further the narcissist's goals or may be under the narcissist's influence and control themselves.
Some common examples of narcissistic manipulation by proxy include:
Flying monkeys: The narcissist convinces friends, family members, or colleagues to attack or discredit the target on their behalf. These "flying monkeys" may spread rumors, engage in character assassination, or attempt to coerce the target into resuming contact with the narcissist.
Parental alienation: In cases involving narcissistic parents, they may attempt to turn the children against the other parent during or after a divorce, manipulating the children to view the targeted parent negatively.
Cyberbullying or online harassment: The narcissist may use anonymous online accounts or encourage others to harass the target online with the aim of causing emotional distress and isolation.
Legal abuse: The narcissist may manipulate the legal system by filing frivolous lawsuits or making false accusations against the target.
Isolation tactics: The narcissist may work to isolate the target from their support system, making it easier for the narcissist to exert control over them.
Hoovering: When the target attempts to establish No Contact with the narcissist, the narcissist may use mutual friends or acquaintances to try to draw the target back into the relationship.
The goal of narcissistic manipulation by proxy is to continue the narcissist's power and control over the target even when they are not directly involved. This form of manipulation can be extremely damaging and can cause further emotional harm to the target, as it prolongs the impact of the narcissistic abuse even after physical separation from the narcissist.
If you believe you are a target of narcissistic manipulation by proxy or know someone who is, seeking support from a mental health professional or counselor experienced in dealing with narcissistic abuse can be beneficial. They can provide guidance and strategies for coping with this challenging situation.