Narcissists have a complex and destructive way of relating to others. It's important to understand that their behavior is driven by their personality disorder, which is characterized by a grandiose sense of self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a constant need for admiration and validation. While not all narcissists intentionally set out to hurt others, their actions can be hurtful due to their inability to genuinely connect with and care for others in a healthy way.
Some reasons why narcissists may hurt others include:
Lack of empathy: Narcissists struggle to understand and relate to other people's emotions and needs. They are primarily focused on their own desires and may disregard or invalidate the feelings of others.
Manipulation and control: Narcissists often use manipulation and emotional abuse to control and dominate their partners. This manipulation can lead to hurtful and toxic behavior.
Fear of vulnerability: Narcissists often have a fragile self-esteem hidden behind their grandiose facade. To protect themselves from feeling vulnerable, they may engage in hurtful behaviors as a defense mechanism.
Need for admiration and attention: Narcissists crave constant validation and attention. When they feel that their partner is not meeting these needs, they may become resentful and lash out.
Idealization and devaluation cycle: In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists may idealize their partner, making them feel loved and valued. However, as the relationship progresses, they may switch to devaluing their partner, leading to hurtful treatment.
Regarding whether they were ever in a relationship with you, it's essential to recognize that narcissists often view relationships differently from non-narcissistic individuals. To them, relationships may be more transactional or based on what the other person can provide rather than genuine emotional connection and love.
During the idealization phase, the narcissist may seem deeply invested in the relationship, but this is often part of their manipulative tactics to secure admiration, attention, and control. As the relationship progresses, and the partner's flaws become apparent or the narcissist's needs change, they may lose interest, engage in devaluation, or even discard the partner altogether.
It's crucial to understand that the unhealthy behaviors exhibited by narcissists are not a reflection of your worth or lovability. It is the result of their personality disorder and their inability to engage in healthy, empathetic relationships. If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, seeking support from a therapist or counselor can be beneficial in processing the experience and rebuilding your emotional well-being.