In the context of narcissism, a "flying monkey" refers to a person who serves as a manipulative ally or enabler for a narcissist. They may assist the narcissist in carrying out their manipulative tactics, gaslighting, or engaging in other harmful behaviors to achieve the narcissist's objectives. The term "flying monkey" is derived from the Wizard of Oz, where the Wicked Witch of the West sends her flying monkeys to do her bidding.
If a flying monkey doesn't get the job done for a narcissist, several things might happen:
Anger and Disapproval: The narcissist may become angry with the flying monkey for failing to achieve their goals or meet their expectations. They might express their disapproval and use guilt or emotional manipulation to attempt to regain control over the situation.
Blame-Shifting: The narcissist might blame the flying monkey for the failure, shifting responsibility away from themselves and onto the enabler. They may refuse to take any responsibility for the situation and avoid any sense of personal accountability.
Discard: In extreme cases, if the narcissist perceives the flying monkey's failure as a severe betrayal or if they no longer see any use for the enabler, they may discard them altogether. This could involve cutting off contact, devaluing them, or emotionally abandoning them.
Finding a New Flying Monkey: Narcissists often have a network of enablers, and if one flying monkey fails to serve their purpose, they may seek out another person to take on that role. They might exploit someone else who is willing to support their manipulative behavior.
Hoovering: If the narcissist still sees some utility in the flying monkey, they might attempt to "hoover" them back into their circle. Hoovering is a tactic where the narcissist tries to draw the person back in through love-bombing, manipulation, or other means.
It's important to understand that being a flying monkey or an enabler for a narcissist is not a healthy or sustainable role. Enablers often find themselves entangled in toxic relationships and may experience negative consequences for their own mental and emotional well-being.
If you suspect that you are being manipulated or exploited by a narcissist, seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be beneficial in helping you break free from such dynamics.