Narcissists often use manipulation and charm to maintain control over others and uphold their self-image of superiority and grandiosity. When things aren't going well in a relationship, a narcissist might resort to various tactics to regain control and secure their perceived dominance over the other person. One of these tactics is a form of emotional manipulation, where they will remind the other person of all the things they were supposedly going to do for them or give them.
Here are some reasons why narcissists might use this tactic:
Emotional Leverage: By reminding the other person of the things they were planning to do or give, the narcissist creates a sense of indebtedness or guilt. They want to manipulate the person into feeling like they owe the narcissist, which can be used as emotional leverage to get what they want.
Maintaining Superiority: Narcissists have an intense need to feel superior and in control. Reminding the other person of their supposed generosity can be a way of asserting their dominance and reinforcing the power dynamic in the relationship.
Idealization Phase: Narcissists often go through an idealization phase in the early stages of a relationship. During this phase, they may promise and shower the other person with grand gestures and gifts to win them over. When the relationship starts to falter, they may use these past promises as a way to make the person long for the idealized version of the narcissist and what they were initially led to believe.
Distraction from Current Issues: By talking about the things they were going to do or give, the narcissist can distract the other person from addressing the current problems or conflicts in the relationship. It becomes a way of diverting attention away from the issues that need resolution.
Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists are skilled at manipulating emotions to their advantage. Bringing up unfulfilled promises or gifts can evoke feelings of disappointment, sadness, or nostalgia, which the narcissist might exploit to control the narrative and gain sympathy or forgiveness.
It's important to be aware of these manipulative tactics if you suspect you are dealing with a narcissistic individual. Setting healthy boundaries and seeking support from friends, family, or a mental health professional can be crucial in navigating such relationships. Remember that maintaining a relationship with a narcissist can be challenging, and sometimes it's best to prioritize your well-being and distance yourself from toxic dynamics.