When a narcissist wants you to chase them, it's likely part of their manipulative tactics to maintain control, validation, and a sense of power over you. Narcissists have a deep need for admiration and attention, and they often seek to elicit these responses from others to boost their fragile self-esteem.
Here's what typically happens when a narcissist wants you to chase them:
Seeking Validation: Narcissists crave constant validation and admiration. By making you chase them, they can gain reassurance that you value and desire their attention, which feeds their ego and makes them feel significant.
Power and Control: Narcissists enjoy being in control of relationships. When they make you chase them, they create a dynamic where they hold the upper hand. They believe they can dictate the terms of the relationship and manipulate you to do their bidding.
Testing Your Devotion: A narcissist might use this tactic as a way to gauge how devoted you are to them. They want to ensure you're fully under their influence and that they can exploit your emotions and vulnerabilities to their advantage.
Playing Mind Games: Manipulation and mind games are common in relationships with narcissists. By making you chase them, they keep you on your toes, uncertain about their intentions, and emotionally invested in the relationship.
Controlled Intermittent Reinforcement: This is a psychological technique where rewards (attention, love, approval) are given intermittently rather than consistently. It makes the person being rewarded (you) more persistent in seeking the rewards, even if they come infrequently. It can create an addictive cycle where you become hooked on trying to win their approval.
Validation of Their Superiority: By having someone pursue them, the narcissist reinforces their belief in their own superiority and attractiveness. They feel a sense of power over you, which aligns with their grandiose self-image.
Distracting from Their Flaws: The chase can also serve as a distraction from the narcissist's own flaws and insecurities. By keeping you focused on pursuing them, they can avoid introspection and accountability for their actions.
It's essential to recognize these patterns and be cautious in dealing with narcissistic individuals. Engaging in a chase with a narcissist can be emotionally draining and damaging to your self-esteem. If you find yourself in such a situation, setting boundaries, seeking support from friends and family, and considering professional counseling can be helpful in dealing with the complexities of the relationship. In some cases, it might be necessary to distance yourself or even sever ties with the narcissistic individual to protect your well-being.