Narcissists can be skilled at pretending to be nice and charming for extended periods, sometimes even for years. They may use their charm, charisma, and ability to manipulate others to create a positive and likable facade, especially when it serves their interests or helps them achieve their goals.
Here are some reasons why a narcissist might be able to pretend to be nice for an extended period:
Manipulation and Adaptability: Narcissists are often adept at reading social cues and adapting their behavior to fit in with different social situations. They can gauge what others want to hear and present themselves accordingly, manipulating their image to gain favor or control.
Idealization Phase: In the early stages of a relationship, narcissists often engage in what is known as the "idealization phase." During this period, they may shower others with affection, compliments, and generosity to win them over and gain their trust.
Selective Empathy: Narcissists can show empathy selectively when it serves their interests. They might appear caring and compassionate, especially if they believe it will help them maintain control or admiration from others.
Desire for Positive Attention: Narcissists crave attention and admiration, so they may use charm and kindness to gain positive attention from others. They thrive on being the center of attention and being perceived as likable.
Fear of Abandonment: Some narcissists fear abandonment, and to prevent people from leaving them, they may engage in "love bombing," where they excessively shower others with affection and attention.
Social Image: Maintaining a positive social image is crucial to narcissists. They often want to be perceived as successful, kind, and well-liked by others, which drives them to put on a friendly facade.
However, it's important to recognize that the charm and niceness exhibited by narcissists are often not genuine or sustainable in the long term. As time goes on, the mask may slip, and their true nature may reveal itself. Once the initial idealization phase is over or when the narcissist perceives that they have control over the situation, they may become more self-centered, manipulative, and emotionally abusive.
It's essential to be cautious and not solely judge someone's character based on their initial charm or friendliness. Developing healthy relationships involves getting to know people over time, observing consistent behaviors, and paying attention to how they treat others in various situations. If you suspect that someone you know may be dealing with a narcissist or if you are concerned about your own interactions with a narcissistic individual, seeking support from friends, family, or mental health professionals can be beneficial.