In a narcissistic family dynamic, a scapegoat is a member who is unjustly assigned the role of the "problem child" or the one responsible for the family's issues and shortcomings. This role is usually attributed to one specific family member consistently over time. Here are some common ways a person might end up being the scapegoat in a narcissistic family:
Independence and defiance: If the individual displays a sense of independence, questions the authority of the narcissistic parent, or refuses to comply with their demands, they might be labeled as rebellious or difficult. The narcissistic parent might feel threatened by the child's autonomy and try to exert control over them by making them the scapegoat.
Emotional honesty: The scapegoat may be more in touch with their emotions and willing to express them openly. In contrast, other family members, including the narcissistic parent, might suppress or deny their emotions. This emotional honesty may make the scapegoat a target for the narcissistic parent's negative emotions or frustrations.
Resisting manipulation: The scapegoat might be less susceptible to manipulation and gaslighting by the narcissistic parent. They may see through the parent's tactics and refuse to conform to their preferred narrative or role within the family.
Threat to the narcissistic parent's self-image: The scapegoat may excel in areas that the narcissistic parent perceives as a threat to their own self-image or superiority. For example, if the scapegoat is successful academically, socially, or professionally, the narcissistic parent may feel envious and try to undermine their achievements by blaming them for family problems.
Family dynamics: Sometimes, the scapegoat is unconsciously assigned this role by other family members who may feel relieved that they themselves are not the target of the narcissistic parent's criticism and abuse.
Projection: Narcissistic parents often project their own negative qualities onto others to avoid acknowledging their flaws. The scapegoat becomes a convenient target for the narcissistic parent's projections.
Sensitive and empathetic: Scapegoats may be more sensitive and empathetic individuals, which can lead them to feel responsible for the family's problems or to try to fix issues, even if they are not truly responsible.
It is crucial to remember that the scapegoat is not at fault for the dynamics within the narcissistic family. The scapegoating behavior is a result of the narcissistic parent's dysfunctional and manipulative tendencies. In such families, seeking therapy or counseling with a mental health professional can be helpful for the scapegoat to understand and heal from the emotional abuse they might have experienced.