Differentiating between a narcissist's enabler, who is unwittingly aiding the abuse, and someone with ingrained pathological traits who feeds off the manipulation can be challenging. Both individuals can contribute to the toxic dynamic, but their motivations and level of awareness differ. Here are some characteristics that might help differentiate between the two:
Narcissist's Enabler:
Lack of Awareness: The enabler is typically unaware of the full extent of the narcissist's manipulative behavior. They may not recognize the abuse or downplay its significance, believing the narcissist's excuses or justifications.
Empathy and Co-Dependence: Enablers often have a high level of empathy and may be co-dependent on the narcissist. They might genuinely care about the narcissist and try to help them, even if it means overlooking or tolerating harmful behavior.
Fear and Obligation: Enablers may feel trapped in the relationship due to fear of the narcissist's retaliation, losing the relationship entirely, or feeling obligated to protect the narcissist.
Attempts to Soothe the Narcissist: Enablers may go to great lengths to avoid triggering the narcissist's anger or disappointment. They might try to keep the peace by complying with the narcissist's demands.
Possible Emotional Manipulation: Narcissists can manipulate enablers by playing on their empathy and guilt. They may make the enabler believe that they are the only ones who understand and can support them.
Individual with Ingrained Pathological Traits:
Awareness and Willful Participation: Unlike the enabler, someone with ingrained pathological traits might be aware of the narcissist's manipulative behavior but actively participates and feeds off it. They may enjoy the sense of power and control they gain through their association with the narcissist.
Manipulative Behavior Themselves: Individuals with pathological traits may have manipulative tendencies of their own. They might exploit the situation for their benefit, using the narcissist's actions as cover for their own harmful behavior.
Lack of Empathy: While enablers tend to have empathy for the narcissist, individuals with pathological traits may lack empathy and use the narcissist's behavior to further their own goals without concern for others' well-being.
Thrives on Drama and Chaos: Individuals with pathological traits may be drawn to drama, chaos, and conflict. They might actively contribute to or provoke such situations to fuel their own desires or agenda.
Emotional Parasitism: Those with ingrained pathological traits may derive a sense of satisfaction from exploiting and feeding off the narcissist's actions and the resulting turmoil.
It's important to note that enablers and individuals with pathological traits can coexist in the same situation, further complicating matters. In some cases, an enabler may develop pathological traits over time due to prolonged exposure to the narcissist's abuse.
Understanding the motivations and behaviors of those involved in a narcissistic dynamic can be complex, and it often requires the expertise of mental health professionals to fully grasp the dynamics and offer appropriate support and intervention. If you find yourself in such a situation, seeking guidance from a therapist or counselor who specializes in dealing with personality disorders can be beneficial.