When a narcissist reaches out to your family and friends after you have cut them off, it is typically driven by their need for control, attention, and validation. There are several possible reasons why they might engage in this behavior:
Hoovering technique: Narcissists often use a tactic known as "hoovering" to try and suck you back into their life. When they sense that they are losing control over you or that you are moving on, they may attempt to reconnect with your support network as a means of reestablishing their influence over you indirectly.
Seeking attention and validation: Narcissists thrive on attention and validation from others. By reaching out to your family and friends, they may be seeking confirmation that they are not the "bad guy" in the situation or trying to maintain a positive image in their social circle.
Smear campaign: Narcissists can engage in a smear campaign against you after a breakup or when you distance yourself from them. By reaching out to your family and friends, they may attempt to discredit you, make you look bad, or spread false information about you to damage your reputation.
Manipulation and guilt-tripping: Narcissists are skilled manipulators, and they may use your loved ones to guilt-trip you into coming back to them or feeling responsible for their well-being.
Possessiveness and control: Narcissists often see their relationships as possessions and may feel entitled to maintain a level of control even after you've cut them off. Contacting your family and friends allows them to exert control over your social connections indirectly.
Lack of empathy: Narcissists have difficulty understanding or caring about the feelings and boundaries of others. They may not respect your decision to cut them off and may disregard your need for space and distance.
It's essential to be aware of these behaviors and recognize them as manipulative tactics. If you have chosen to cut off contact with a narcissistic individual, it's crucial to stay firm in your decision and set clear boundaries with your family and friends about not sharing personal information or engaging in conversations about the narcissist. Seek support from those who understand and respect your need for distance from the toxic relationship. Additionally, consider seeking professional help or counseling to help you navigate the emotional aftermath of dealing with a narcissistic individual.