DARVO stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender." It is a manipulative tactic often employed by narcissists (and other abusive individuals) to evade accountability for their actions and turn the tables on their victims. When faced with criticism or accusations, the narcissist will:
Deny: They will deny any wrongdoing or responsibility for their behavior, making it difficult for their victim to hold them accountable.
Attack: The narcissist will attack the accuser, deflecting attention away from their actions by criticizing the victim, making them feel guilty, or even using gaslighting techniques to distort reality.
Reverse Victim and Offender: The narcissist will portray themselves as the victim and the accuser as the offender, thus flipping the narrative and making it seem like they are the ones being wronged.
Combating and disarming DARVO can be challenging, but here are some strategies to help protect yourself from this manipulative tactic:
Stay Calm and Collected: When confronted with DARVO, try to remain as composed as possible. Narcissists often use emotional reactions against their victims, so staying calm can prevent them from further exploiting the situation.
Document Everything: Keep records of interactions, conversations, or incidents with the narcissist. Having evidence can be helpful when dealing with DARVO, as it provides a concrete basis for your claims.
Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries with the narcissist and communicate your expectations for respectful behavior. Enforce consequences if those boundaries are crossed.
Seek Support: Reach out to friends, family, or support groups who can offer understanding and validation. Narcissists thrive on isolating their victims, so having a support system can be crucial.
Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic behavior and manipulation can be empowering. Knowledge helps you recognize their tactics and protect yourself better.
Avoid JADE (Justify, Argue, Defend, Explain): Narcissists often provoke arguments to trap their victims in a cycle of defending themselves. Instead of justifying or explaining yourself, focus on asserting your boundaries calmly.
Limit Contact or Go No Contact: If possible, minimize or eliminate contact with the narcissist. This can help you break free from their manipulation and regain control of your life.
Consult a Professional: If you're dealing with a particularly challenging narcissistic individual, seeking guidance from a therapist who specializes in narcissistic abuse can be incredibly beneficial.
Remember that disarming DARVO might not always lead to the narcissist accepting responsibility for their actions. The primary goal should be to protect yourself and prioritize your well-being. In some cases, it may be necessary to detach emotionally and focus on healing from the effects of the narcissistic abuse.